Life is hard at the moment...

This weekend has been less than fun…Paul has been having a very rough time.  He is in a lot of pain and is losing weight…now at 154 lbs…It is extremely hard to watch.  I keep hoping that on Tuesday they will have some kind of bright news for us.  He needs some kind of help…and I feel helpless…

I was having a really hard day on Friday.  I didn’t feel well…I was very tired…worried about Paul…just angry at the world kind of day.  I was even more saddened when I heard about the children in Connecticut…how incredibly heart-breaking…in fact, there really are no words to describe it.  My heart aches for the families of those killed.  I can honestly say, Friday is the heaviest my heart has ever felt…between worrying about my husband and hearing about those children…It is been so hard not to ask, "why"?

When I was walking home from getting the kids at school on Friday, my friend could tell I was having a hard time.  She stopped me and asked me how I was….I am grateful for a dear friend who let me have a melt-down with her.  We cried together about everything….it was therapeutic to let it all out.  I just feel like I have to be strong…it is hard to be strong…I feel like my whole world has been turned upside down…I am losing my husband and there is nothing I can do about it…I am trying to have hope…it is just very hard at the moment…I know I can do this…I just don’t want to…but I have to.

Sophie had strep throat last week and then Paul and I got lovely colds.  I am worried about him because he is coughing pretty hard and has been running a fever.  He says he doesn’t feel like he needs to go to Insta-care…we will see…

I ended up at the ER this morning.  Friday night I started getting pains in my left side.  I recognized those pains.  I have a disease called diverticulosis…when you have a “flare-up” it is diverticulitis…basically it is an infection in your bowels…yep it’s painful.  I did not eat anything all day yesterday and only drank liquids.  I was hoping it would calm down on its own.  I could tell last night that I was probably going to need treatment.  I was going to drive myself to the hospital, but Paul said it was not a good idea.  So, I called my sister at 5:00 this morning and asked her to take me to the hospital, because I knew they would need to do a CT.  Paul is in no condition to take me to the hospital and sit there…besides someone needed to be with the kids.

Thankfully the ER wasn’t busy this morning and they got me right back.  They ran blood work, and a CT.  Yep, I was right…I have diverticulitis.  Fortunately, they are not making me stay in the hospital…last time I was in the hospital for a couple days.   They are having me take antibiotics at home…if they don’t work…then we’ll reassess the situation.  The biggest thing is I have to get it under control, so that I don’t get an abscess, which can lead to peritonitis….now that would be bad…

Life has been a little overwhelming this weekend…I am hoping for brighter days ahead.  Thank you to everyone for your continued love and support!